[Intro]
Fork in hand.
Fork halfway to my mouth.
“Wait.”
…
Oh shit. Here it comes.
[Verse 1] Plate’s getting cold, my hand’s just hovering She’s got the phone out, angling for the light “Move your hand” “no not like that” “tilt it” Babe I am hungry, this is not a photoshoot tonight The rice looks great, the rice does not need me The rice has better lighting than I’ve ever fucking had Click, click, click, seven angles later - What. the. fuck. “Okay now you can eat” — gee, thanks, so glad
[Pre-Chorus] I just fucking wanted dinner I just fucking wanted a bite Instead I’m holding a fork like a stupid prop Under studio light Snap. Snap. Fucking Snap.
Oh shit. Here it comes.
[Chorus] Food pictures What are we even feeding the internet Fucking Food pictures The bread’s got better engagement than I get Coffee, tea, juice, milk, and bread Fucking bread, I said it, bread Even the beans are going fucking viral The beans! The beans get more likes than my face
[Verse 2] Ordered coffee, coffee’s just sitting there Steam’s the main character, I’m just the fucking hand Waitress asked if we needed anything “No we’re good, just need this latte to land” My food’s ice cold, my patience fucking colder The caption’s not even written yet “Should I add a filter” — babe, I’m starving “One more angle, this one’s not quite set”
[Pre-Chorus] I just fucking wanted dinner I just fucking wanted one bite Instead I’m a hand model For a bowl of soup at night Snap. Snap. Fucking Snap.
Oh shit. Here it comes.
[Chorus] Food pictures What are we even feeding the internet Fucking Food pictures The Napkin’s got better engagement than I get Pasta, cakes, ice fucking cream and the bread THE Fucking bread, I said it - yes My fucking hand now is going fucking viral Should I open a Social Media account for it??
[Bridge — spoken, dead serious] You know what?
I looked it up.
That bowl from last week
Nine hundred fucking Forty-seven likes.
My graduation photo?
Twelve.
Fucking Twelve!
And ten of them were from my mom Who had nine accounts and one real one
Oh shit. Here it comes.
Snap. Snap. Fucking Snap.
[Guitar Solo]
[Final Chorus — key lift] Food pictures The whole table’s a studio now Fucking Food pictures I just want to fucking eat, somehow You can’t fucking eat unless the whole world knows That Bread, Milk and Fucking Soup Needs to be announced and introduced And what the Fuck - The beans! The beans! The beans are winning This isn’t a meal anymore, it’s a photoshoot with a snack at the end
[Outro] … Food’s cold.
…
Post’s up though.
Three hundred two likes already.
…
Fuck.
I’m Starving.