[Intro]
Honey…
Before we begin…
I’d like representation.
…
Why are you looking at me like that?
[Verse 1]
I was driving home Stupid Phone buried in my pocket
Hit a red light Checked my messages
You texted:
“Hey”
I replied eighty-seven seconds later
And somehow now we’re here
Three question marks
Two screenshots
One paragraph
And a fucking investigation has begun
[Pre-Chorus]
I didn’t disappear
I wasn’t abducted
I was literally putting groceries
In the fucking trunk
Hot damn.
[Chorus]
The Missing 87 Seconds
Where did they go?
Nobody fucking knows
Not me
Not fucking science
Not fucking modern technology
The Missing 87 Seconds
A fucking mystery for the ages
I should call Netflix
This thing deserves a fucking documentary
[Verse 2]
Then you posted a picture
I was at work
Fucking Running around
Doing actual important work things
Twenty-three minutes later
I hit the heart button
And suddenly I’m fucking explaining myself
Like I skipped a royal wedding
You said:
“You just saw it now?”
No.
I saw it earlier.
I just wasn’t holding my fucking phone
Like a god damn life support system
[Pre-Chorus]
Apparently social media response time
Is now a measure of affection
Hot damn.
[Chorus]
The Missing 87 Seconds
The fucking Delayed Heart Reaction
A timeline has been fucking established
Witnesses have been interviewed
Evidence has been collected
And somehow - Shit.
I’m still the prime suspect
[Bridge]
Then came…
The fucking phone call.
Oh God.
The fucking phone call.
I fucking missed it.
Once.
One fucking time.
A single fucking call.
Seven minutes later I called back.
SEVEN FUCKING MINUTES.
You’ve spent longer choosing the god damn milk
But somehow
We’re now reviewing security footage.
[Guitar Solo]
[Final Chorus] [Key Lift]
The Missing 87 Seconds
The Fucking Delayed Like
The Fucking Seven Minute Callback
The Fucking Complete Case Files
I replied.
I liked the post.
I returned the call.
And somehow
None of those fucking facts seem relevant anymore
The Missing 87 Seconds
The greatest unsolved mystery of our fucking relationship
[Outro]
Honey…
I was busy.
…
What do you mean
“Busy doing what?”
…
Oh for fuck’s sake.