[Intro]
It was a normal day.
Everything was fine.
Then she asked a question.
…
Shit.
[Verse 1] We were getting ready to head out for dinner Everything peaceful, everything alright
Then she stopped and stared into the mirror Like a scientist discovering something tonight
Turned around and looked right at me And suddenly all feeling left my feet
Because I recognized that look And I knew exactly what was coming
[Pre-Chorus] Every man knows this fucking moment Every man knows this fucking fear It’s not the fucking question It’s surviving long enough to answer it Shit.
[Chorus] Did she gain weight? Let’s think about this Option A - gets me murdered Option B - gets me killed Option C - sounds dishonest Option D - sounds insane I need a lawyer A witness And possibly a fucking place to hide
[Verse 2] I checked every possible response Like I was defusing a bomb Too fast looks suspicious Too slow looks suspicious Breathing looked suspicious Everything looked suspicious
She kept standing there waiting While my brain was running simulations Calculating outcomes And drafting my final will
[Pre-Chorus] We’re three minutes in Nobody has spoken I think she’s waiting I know I’m panicking Shit.
[Chorus] Did she gain weight? Let’s run the numbers again If I say no Why did I hesitate?
If I say yes
Please tell my family I loved them
Maybe I could fake a phone call
Maybe the house is on fire
Maybe I could become someone else
Shit.
[Bridge]
You know what?
Maybe she’s genuinely asking
Maybe she wants honesty
Maybe this is healthy communication
Maybe I should answer like a fucking adult
…
NOPE.
I’ve seen this movie before.
Nobody fucking wins.
[Guitar Solo]
[Final Chorus] [Key Lift]
Did she gain weight?
The question remains
I’m still reviewing evidence
And considering my options
The clock keeps ticking
The silence keeps growing
I’ve aged twelve years
And we’re still standing in the bedroom
[Outro]
…
Uh…
No?
…
Wrong answer wasn’t even an option?!
…
Great. Now I’m sleeping on the couch. Alone. Shit.