[Intro — footsteps, stone floor, she is walking the room]
While she is not here - I need to collect myself and be ready for everything
This room, thought I would never see it again —
[Verse 1 — singing, mapping the space, each corner a memory] There — where they bound my hands I remember the rope’s specific weight And over there — where they put the cloth against my mouth So the only sound I made Was inside
There — where the water came hot Because I had been kneeling Because I had thought the kneeling meant something It only meant pain
And there Where the leaves were Where I learned that poison does not announce itself It just — becomes part of you Quietly Until one day you breathe it out And other people notice Before you do
[Pre-Chorus 1 — singing the discoveries, the survival instincts] And here Where they took the thing I could not name yet And I found that nameless thing inside me after And built it into something with an edge
And out there — past the third stone — past the window Where I first noticed That the angle of my eyes Could move things
Could get me something An extra portion A longer pause before the next time I did not choose to learn that I just needed to survive
[Chorus] These are familiar feelings Every corner of this room is something I already know These are familiar feelings Every mark on every wall is somewhere I have been before I survived this once already I built myself inside this dark I will not let these walls Take what they already tried to take I will not I will not These familiar feelings Will not find me the same
[Verse 2 — singing the other feeling, the quiet one] But there is something else
Something underneath the familiar Something I have felt before In a place before the screaming started In a place before the water and the rope and the cold
Something I had Once Before this room
It was always small It was always quiet It kept getting drowned out By the sound of what was happening to me By the sound of me asking them to stop
I was so loud inside my own grief I could not hear it
[Pre-Chorus 2 — singing the light she can feel now] But I have no voice now And the grief has nowhere to go And the room is still And I can hear something I could not hear before
Warm Low Familiar Not like this room is familiar
Like home is familiar Like something that was always mine
[Chorus 2] These are familiar feelings But not the ones I named before These are familiar feelings Like something I was born with, something more Something they could never take No matter how long I was in the dark Something they could not poison Something they could not bind Something they did not find Because they did not know to look for it
[Bridge — she stops moving, she stands still, she listens while singing] I stood in the center of the room And I let it be quiet
And I felt it again
Whatever it is It glows
And then —
Low Footsteps Outside the door
I know those footsteps -
[Outro — tense, the presence outside, getting angry and determined] He moves slowly The Commandment Keeper He always moves slowly Like he has all the time in the world
He does not know yet That I am not the same person Who was in this room before
He will learn He will know He will understand The difference of then and now The Raven will fly -
And these familiar feelings will be unfamiliar this time -