[Intro — narrator, dry and calm]
Let the record show
That SOLARA’s crew had a combined bounty
Of three hundred and fifteen thousand star coins
(impressive)
And somewhere on the other side of the fold
Was a crew
Whose captain alone
Had a bounty of one billion
(one)(billion)
Let the record also show
That nobody warned her
[Verse 1]
His name was Chaos
And Chaos needed a crew
Not because he asked for one
But because things kept happening around him
And someone needed to write them down
[Pre-Chorus]
Three constellations who heard the word destruction
And said: yes — that is my word
Chaos looked at them: what are your names
The first one said: Havoc
The second one said: Ruin
The third had already broken something
(he was named Mayhem)(retroactively)
[Chorus]
Crew of menace
They did not apply
They did not interview
They simply arrived and started destroying things
And Chaos said: perfect
These are exactly the right kind of wrong people
Crew of menace
Havoc and Ruin and Mayhem
Three different words for the same excellent idea
And Chaos at the center
Worth one billion star coins
And climbing
[Verse 2]
But a crew needs records
Chaos needed someone to take notes
He looked around
Spida and Catipala were there
(why)(unclear)(they were not sure either)
(they had followed the sound of destruction)(out of curiosity)
(they were regretting this)
Chaos said: you two — take notes
Spida said: we are gatekeepers we do not take notes
Chaos looked at them (he did not blink)(for a long time)
Spida said: we will take notes
Catipala already had a quill
(where did he get a quill)(he always has a quill)(why)(nobody knows)
[Bridge — Chaos finds the bounty list]
Chaos found a copy of the bounty board
He read it
(one hundred thousand)(for SOLARA)
He read it again
(one hundred thousand)
He looked at his own number
One billion
He looked at SOLARA’s number again
(one hundred thousand)
(she does not even know I exist yet)
(this is personally insulting)
(Spida write this down)
(Spida wrote: boss upset about math)
(that is not what I said)
(Catipala drew a picture)(it was not helpful)(Chaos kept it)
[Final Chorus]
Crew of menace
One billion reasons to be exactly where he is going
Havoc and Ruin and Mayhem
Moving through the fold
Like something the universe has not learned to name yet
And somewhere ahead of them
A captain worth one hundred thousand
Does not know yet
That the thing coming toward her
Is worth ten thousand times that
[Outro]
Havoc said: are we going to level seventy-nine
Chaos said: we are going wherever she is going
Mayhem already left (Ruin followed)(of course)
(Spida wrote: everyone left, unclear direction)
(Catipala drew a picture of a door)
(it was actually quite good)(Chaos kept it)